Confession

As I sat down to read tonight I did what I normally do. I opened my Bible and prayed for God to open my heart and my mind so that I would be able to understand the Scriptures and apply them correctly to my life. As I read my verses for the day I felt nothing. The words didn't speak to me. I felt nothing move inside of me revealing the meaning of the text. I felt no connection between my life and the words inspired by the Holy Spirit. I feel spiritually dead inside. I HATE it when this happens! The easy thing to do right now would be to close my Bible and give up and tell myself I'll try again tomorrow and maybe the words will speak to me then. I have done that so many times. But in life the easy thing is rarely the right thing. More often than not the more difficult road to take is the one that needs to be taken. So instead of closing my Bible I ask myself why. Why is God's word not speaking to me? Why is the Gospel not moving me as it sometimes does? Why do I feel spiritually dead right now?

I've heard it put this way: "If you feel distant from God, it's not Him that moved, it's you." As I'm sitting here thinking about this I look down at my text again. Today's text is Galatians 5:16-17: "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do." Walk by the Spirit. What does that mean? It means I am supposed to live my life empowered by the Holy Spirit. I am supposed to let the Holy Spirit guide my life. I am supposed to listen to the promptings that the Holy Spirit gives me in my daily life. It means spending time daily in communion with God reading the Bible, meditating on the Gospel, and praying to our Father. What does Paul tell us will happen if we walk by the Spirit? He tells us we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. The desires of the flesh are not necessarily bad things in and of themselves. Our sinful nature often turns them into sinful things. Verse 17 goes on to tell us that the desires of the flesh will try to keep us from doing the things we want to do.

As I read this I can clearly see that the reason the Bible is not speaking to me or moving me is not because it's not speaking or moving, it's because I have not been walking by the Spirit. As I sit here tonight I confess that I have not read my Bible since Wednesday. That's three full days without spending time in God's word. What does Jesus tell us is Scripture?: "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." How would I feel if I had not eaten food for three days? I confess that I have not spent more that a minute in prayer, speaking to and listening to God. The word of God tells me to "be constant in prayer" and to "pray without ceasing". I have not come close to doing either. I have done what Paul warned against in his first letter to the Thessalonians when he said "do not quench the Spirit." Because I have not been walking by the Spirit I have been doing what Paul told me would happen. I have been gratifying the desires of the flesh. Like I said these things are not sinful in themselves but when I, in my sinful nature, put them over spending time with God, they become sinful. What fleshly desires have I gratified? I normally spend time every afternoon with my computer, cell phone, tv and everything else off so that I can devote time to study and prayer. Since Wednesday I have substituted that time with watching eight episodes of 24. Is watching 24 a sin? No. But it becomes one when I make it a priority over time with God.

I now understand the reason for the times when the Bible doesn't speak to me, when it doesn't move me, or when I just don't understand it. It is because in the time leading up to my reading I have not been walking by the Spirit. I cannot expect to put God up on the shelf throughout my week and then expect Him to speak to me through His word anytime I feel like taking Him off my shelf. It is the same with any other relationship. If, throughout the course of the week, Oksana were reaching out to me, calling me, wanting me to engage her in conversation, and all I did was completely ignore her, I would not expect her to talk to me when I decided I finally had time for her.

If you feel nothing when you are reading Scripture, if it does not move you or speak to you, YOU have moved, not God. I would encourage you to ask yourself if you are walking by the Spirit. If you find that you are not, repent, and begin walking by the power He provides.