Managing Your Household Well

"He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

This is a pretty clear verse. Paul says that before becoming an elder a man must have proven that he is able to manage his own household well. The logic, Paul says, is that “if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (v5). So what does it mean to “manage his own household”?

Paul says in verse 4 that “with all dignity” a man must “keep his children submissive”. A man must have the respect of his children and command their attention and obedience. Also, he must keep his position with his children in treating them with dignity. Children are of no less worth than parents and should be treated with respect. However, as with the relationship between Jesus and the Father, and between husband and wife there is an authority structure inherent to the parent-child relationship. A good snapshot of this part of the parent-child relationship is given by Paul in his letter to the Ephesian church:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
(Eph. 6:1-4)

As long as parents are not instructing children to sin, (this is what Paul means by bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord) children are to obey and respect their parents. It is the parents obligation to treat their children with love and respect, not provoking them to anger but raise them in a household that places Jesus above everything.

So now that we see what the parent-child relationship is to be let’s look at the husband-wife relationship. The same principal applies here. Husbands and wives are of equal worth in the eyes of God but there is a definite authority structure to the relationship. Let’s look at what husbands are commanded: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Eph. 5:31). “...let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph. 5:33). I love the ESV Study Bible commentary on these verses:

…husbands are to love their wives in a self-sacrificial manner, following the example of Christ, who “gave himself up for” the church in loving self-sacrifice. Clearly the biblical picture of a husband laying down his life for his wife is directly opposed to any kind of male tyranny or oppression. The husband is bound by love to ensure that his wife finds their marriage a source of rich fulfillment and joyful service to the Lord. Notably, Paul devotes three times more space to the husband's duty (nine verses) than to the wife's (three verses).

In conclusion, if a man desires to be an elder he must treat his children with respect and love his wife in such a sacrificial way that they find pleasure and protection in their obedience to him. He will manage his household well and prove himself fit to manage God’s church.


For further reading I recommend John Piper's commentary on 1 Timothy 3:4-5: Click here.